Abstract
PURPOSE: Psychache significantly contributes to the suicidal process. However, the transition from pre-suicidal suffering to a suicide crisis remains one of the least explored stages in suicidology. METHODS: We retrospectively explored experience of pre-suicidal suffering through semi-structured, in-depth interviews with 12 individuals recruited from the Vilnius City Mental Health Center, Lithuania. Interpretative phenomenological analysis was employed to identify recurring patterns. RESULTS: Nine primary group experiential themes emerged: Certain adverse life events occurring during the suicidal process were not immediately perceived as connected; Complex traumatic events laid the groundwork for a profound sense of lack; A compensatory mechanism balanced the experience of profound lack; Exhaustion ensued from efforts to sustain the compensatory mechanism; The main trigger directly challenged the compensatory mechanism; The affective state followed the experience of the main triggering event; Dissociation served to isolate psychache; Thoughts of suicide experienced as automatic; Suicide was perceived as a means to end suffering. CONCLUSION: The findings suggest that the suicidal process unfolds over an extended period of suffering, culminating in a crisis to alleviate unbearable psychological pain. In clinical practice, identifying the main triggering event discussed in this study can be pivotal in understanding the essence of suffering characterized by profound lacking and developed compensatory mechanisms.