Abstract
BACKGROUND: The majority of maternity care is provided by female midwives who have either become mothers or are of childbearing age, but there is limited research exploring midwives' own personal childbearing experiences. This integrative review aims to explore the published literature and research on midwives' own experiences of pregnancy and childbirth. METHOD: An integrative review of the literature was conducted after relevant articles were identified through a search of: five electronic databases (Cumulative Index of Nursing and Allied Health Literature (CINAHL), Medline, PubMed, Scopus, and Google Scholar), cited reference lists, and networking with peers. Similar and contrasting patterns and relations within the literature were identified and grouped into themes and subthemes. RESULTS: Twenty articles were included in the review and four overarching themes were identified. Insider knowledge plays a role in decision making encompassed the way midwives used their knowledge to choose; a preferred mode of birth, maternity care provider, model of care, and place of birth. Navigating the childbirth journey demonstrated how some midwives were able to use their insider knowledge to achieve agency, while others had difficulty achieving agency. This theme also revealed the 'midwife brain' that midwives need to manage during their childbearing journey. The theme impact of care on the birth experience described how the type of care the midwives received from maternity care providers affected their overall birth experience. The fourth theme from midwife to mother explains their preparedness for childbirth and their transition to motherhood. CONCLUSION: For childbearing midwives, there is a potential conflict between their position as knowledgeable experts in maternity care, and their experience as mothers. Whilst they can use their insider knowledge to their advantage, they also experience heightened fear and anxiety through their pregnancy. It is important for maternity care providers to acknowledge and support them and provide balanced and tailored care that acknowledges the woman within the professional midwife and the professional midwife within the woman.